Who is your Next of Kin?

When a death occurs, there are many questions to be answered in a short amount of time. As funeral directors, we are obligated to deal with the legal next of kin to complete the necessary authorizations to carry out final arrangements. There are times when the next of kin is easy to establish. For Example, if there is a living spouse, it’s usually a given. If there is no spouse, but only one adult child, it’s usually a given. But how is the next of kin determined when the answers aren’t that cut-and-dry?

The State of Kansas has a law in place (KSA 65-1734) that makes it very easy to make this determination. The law puts different circumstances in order showing who has the authority to act as next of kin in order of priority.

1. The agent for health care decisions established by a durable power of attorney IF such power conveys this agent’s authority to make decisions concerning the disposition.
   • If you have a DPOA for healthcare in place, look it over to see if there is a bullet-point on that document stating something like “the agent has the right to control my final disposition”.
2. The spouse of the deceased
   • Even if there has been a long-term separation, unless there has been a legal divorce, often times an estranged spouse actually has the right to control the arrangements.
3. Surviving adult children
   • If there is more than one, all children must serve as equal next of kin.
   • If only one child should be designated, you might consider making them your DPOA for healthcare.
4. Surviving Parents
5. The person in the next degree of kinship under laws to inherit the estate (i.e., nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles, cousins, etc.)
   • If there are equal degrees of kinship, everyone with the same title would serve as equal next of kin.
6. A legal guardian of the person at the time of death
7. The personal representative of the decedent
8. In case of indigents, the public official charged with arranging the final disposition.

As you read through this list, think about who among your family unit would meet the highest designation on this list to handle your final arrangements. Do you need to carry out some additional paperwork with an attorney to get something in writing? Do you need to begin a file or update your file at the funeral home? Do you need to let someone know that they are in charge of your arrangements under this law?

If you have any questions about the information shown here, please call one of our funeral homes. We are not Attorneys and we do not claim to be, but we might be able to answer questions you may have based on our previous experiences.

Going through a death in the family is never an easy time, but with a little preparation ahead of time, you can make it easier on yourself and your family to ensure that your wishes are followed through.

Social Security Benefits

 

Am I eligible for Social Security Benefits?

Unfortunately, there’s not just one simple answer to this question. There are many different levels of benefits from the Social Security Administration (SSA). Among those are Retirement, Disability, and Survivor benefits. In our profession, we deal most commonly with helping our clients apply for Survivor Benefits, so we’ll discuss these here.

Lump Sum Death Benefit ($255)

The most common benefit that we’re asked about is the SSA Lump Sum Death Benefit payable upon death. Our clients often think that this benefit of $255 is paid for every decedent who has paid into Social Security, but it is not. Most generally, this will only be paid to a surviving spouse if you meet the requirements and after you have made application for it. There are special circumstances that it may be paid to a dependent child when there is no surviving spouse to claim the benefit. Here is what the SSA Website says about Lump Sum Death Benefit Eligibility:

“Generally, the lump-sum is paid to the surviving spouse who was living in the same household with the worker when he or she died. If they were living apart, the surviving spouse can still receive the lump-sum if, during the month the worker died, he or she:

• was already receiving benefits on the worker’s record; or
• became eligible for benefits upon the worker’s death.

If there’s no eligible surviving spouse, the lump-sum can be paid to the worker’s child (or children) if, during the month the worker died, the child:

• was already receiving benefits on the worker’s record; or
• became eligible for benefits upon the worker’s death.”

You can find more information as well as contact numbers at this link: https://www.ssa.gov/planners/survivors/ifyou7.html

Survivor’s Benefits

After your spouse passes away, you may be eligible to receive Monthly Recurring Survivor’s Benefits based on the amount of earnings that your spouse paid in to Social Security. This type of benefit is more difficult to get because it’s only expiration would be your passing. Like the Lump Sum Benefit, there are special circumstances where a child may be eligible for these benefits.  You can find more information about this types of benefits here: https://www.ssa.gov/planners/survivors/onyourown2.html.

The regulations that go along with these types of benefits are constantly changing. If you’re in need of their services here, please contact the number listed at the above link. You can set up an appointment with your local Social Security Office to check your eligibility and see what benefits you may apply for.

The best thing about Social Security Benefits is that THEY’RE NOT GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE. You and your spouse have already paid your dues, and applying for these benefits is simply the government paying you back for being faithful to the program.

If you have any questions, you can contact any of our funeral home locations for general inquiries, but we can only speak out of our past experiences, so any specific questions about regulations, applications, and eligibility should be directed to your local SSA Office. If you need assistance contacting them, completing your application, or arranging for an appointment, we’d be happy to assist you.

(The phrasing and opinions within this post are those of the author, Stephen Derfelt. Other than where they are directly quoted, we have not spoken on behalf of the Social Security Administration, These are not the expressed or implied opinions of Derfelt Funeral Home, INC. Derfelt Funeral Homes, INC may not be held liable for any explanations found herein.)

To View, or Not to View?

We’re asked on a regular basis if it is necessary to view a deceased individual as part of the memorialization. There is a long standing debate between both “open-casket versus closed-casket” and the more modern “immediate-cremation versus cremation after viewing”.

The following article was prepared by Jerry Derfelt as a formal answer to this debate. We’ve listed it below in its entirety.

Article:

To View, or Not to View? This issue cannot be easily answered because there are a number of factors to take into consideration. This issue should be answered on a case-by-case manner. It really depends on a great number of factors. Whether the person died of natural causes, or whether it was an accident. Whether the person died of a sudden illness, or whether the person died of a lingering physically debilitating disease. Also, the length of time between death and embalming even on an average case is a minor factor.

I feel that, as a general rule, viewing should be allowed and even promoted whenever possible. If there is a questions as to whether the appearance of the body will be satisfactory for viewing, then I would suggest to the immediate family that they view first, or designate someone close to them to do so to determine if the appearance of the body is favorable for viewing.

If the appearance is not just right after your inspection, the funeral director always wants to know. Decide in your mind what could be done to make the appearance more natural looking. It could be cosmetics (and it usually is), it could be the position that the body has been placed, or it could be that the clothing needs an adjustment. But I must emphasize, don’t hesitate to discuss it with the funeral director. It is our job to do all that we can to make you satisfied.

If there is one single important part of a traditional funeral that stands above the rest, it is viewing the body.

I have been in a position to learn of the death and burial of a close friend’s during a time when I was out of town. When I came home, it was hard for me to accept the fact that my friend had died, because I had not seen the body. I found it took me longer to adjust to the death of that friend because of the fact that I couldn’t participate in the viewing, or participate in the funeral.

I predict an opportunity for future trouble in those who elect not to view a body. When they say that they want to remember the person “as they saw them last”, they are making an attempt to escape the reality of death. In remembering the person alive, they subconsciously do not accept the reality of death as easily as those who elect to view the body.

You may say that you’re an exception to the rule, and you may be. But going beyond that, viewing the body has another purpose. When a person goes to the funeral home, signs the register book, and views the body, the family will know that that person is concerned enough about them to take the time to pay tribute to the one whose death has left a great void in their lives. You may not even know the deceased, but if you know a member of that family, then your presence will be a great comfort to them.

Proverbs on Grief

(The following is a compilation of thoughts put together by Jerry Derfelt for a public speaking opportunity in January of 2000. These are simply his examinations on grief and its process, based on expert analysis and industry professionals. This list is not meant to be all-inclusive on the subject of grief, because there’s not a computer in the world with the memory capacity to contain each individual’s unique process of grief. Like love, grief is simply unexplainable until you’ve experienced it, but here’s Mr. Derfelt’s take on it.)

Proverbs on Grief

Dr. Edgar Jackson explains that each of us have a “bank of emotional capital”. The emotion of greatest value is the emotion of love. At birth, we invest all of our emotions in people we hold dear. As we grow older, we also invest capital in other people and things (a close friend, a new car, a job). When we suffer a loss of someone or something we have invested in, a void occurs. That is what we call grief or bereavement.

Dr. Bill Webster writes that grief is normal; yet saying it does not minimize its difficulty. Grief is an emotional response to a significant loss. To experience grief is to acknowledge that you have loved someone.

It is a high compliment to any relationship that we miss it enough to shed a tear and feel emotional. Tears are not a sign of weakness, but an indication of how special the relationship was, and how we miss that bond when it is gone.

A person may also find themselves struggling to cope with and grieve over other significant losses or life circumstances not related to death.

There is a direct connection with the deceased and the severity of the grief. In other words, the more you love an individual, the more you will grieve at their death or separation.

Mr. Weiss once wrote, “A person may become so overwhelmed with grief they think they are losing their mind”. We can find ourselves bewildered by the avalanche of feelings that can impact us. Among these emotions are numbness, shock, confusion, disbelief, anxiety, absentmindedness, restlessness, crying, fatigue, sleep disruptions, anger, guilt, or depression.

Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identifies the “Five Stages of Grief”

1. Denial– disbelief. It functions as a buffer, or shock absorber, after the unexpected news.
2. Anger – “WHY ME!”; a very difficult stage to cope with, but certainly a normal reaction to the process of grief.
3. Bargaining– Anger only hurts people’s feelings. People may try to “make a deal with God” to end their emotional suffering. They may also hide by becoming overwhelmed or over-invested in some other area of their life. They may refuse to clean out the clothes closet subconsciously feeling that the person may someday return to them.
4. Depression– The denial stage can be prevalent no longer. Everything is replaced with a feeling of great loss. Some may call it a loss of self-hood. Friends will say “They’re just not themselves anymore”.
5. Acceptance– Does not always come, and certainly doesn’t always come quickly. This stage is a time of complete inner peace, of contentment, satisfaction, and acceptance.

There is an overlapping effect with the different stages. Each stage is propelled by a roller coaster of emotion.

Grief is difficult. It is never easy to lose someone you have loved. But, you CAN choose what you are going to do about it. We can choose to be bitter, or BETTER; we can choose to be victims, or VICTORS.

Derfelt Funeral Home: Crematory Construction and a Tornado

Below is the article that was recently featured in a regional trade magazine distributed to Funeral Homes across 11 states in the southern border of the US:

In April of 2014, construction of a metal building was completed on-site at the Derfelt’s Baxter Chapel location with the intent to install a crematory. As many of you heard on local and national news stations, the towns of Quapaw, OK and Baxter Springs, KS were hit by a tornado with very little warning on April 27, 2014. It’s estimated that over 30 people were injured, and over 100 homes were destroyed in Baxter alone. The funeral home sustained minor roof and water damage over the chapel, but the new metal building and the funeral director’s home on site took the brunt of the damage to the property, being directly west of the main path of the destruction.

In the days immediately following, the staff of the funeral home spent their time tending to the needs of the community, offering help with yard cleanup in the neighborhood and organizing meals on the grounds for tornado victims and volunteers to eat free of charge

After that phase, minor demolition and re-construction of the building began, and installation of the crematory was completed in September of 2014. Shortly thereafter, after receiving the certification from the State of Kansas, the facility was fully licensed and operational as of Mid-October 2014.

“We are very blessed to be able to add another facet to the list of services we can provide to our clients” say current owner Jerry Derfelt. “It has proven to be a large step in our business, but it has definitely been a step in the right direction”.

With cremation rates rising ever so rapidly in the Midwest and throughout the United States, it’s becoming more and more common for small-town funeral homes to justify the need to perform this service on their own, rather than contracting with a third-party cremation service.

“We’re finding that our client families like the security of the on-site service, compared to our previous method of contracting the cremation out to another firm.” continues Mr. Derfelt. “As with any industry, if there is a need, there’s a practical way to fill that need, and it almost always saves the final consumer time and trouble when they’re able to handle everything under one roof”.

 

Announcement of our New Value Cremation Package

For generations, the Derfelt Family has dedicated their lives to supplying service to people following the death of their family members. We continually adjust our service and facilities to accommodate the people we serve.

That is why in 1963, Roy Derfelt built the first funeral chapel in Southeast Kansas. That is why the Derfelt family was the last funeral home in Southeast Kansas to supply ambulance coverage. That is why Roy added the service of a limousine, and later Jerry and John added a second limousine to the fleet. That is why Jerry and Peggy expanded from two campuses to four in May of 2011. And, that is why we made a major improvement to our funeral plant over this past year with a state of the art crematory facility.

We often reminisce about how the nearest crematory used to be in Kansas City, and a trip for cremation was made only once or twice a year. But, my how the funeral business has changed. It has continued to evolve and we continue to change so we can undertake the needs of the people we serve. Our staff, including myself and our other Funeral Director/Embalmers, Kyle Wade and Stephen Derfelt; as well as our pre-need counselor, Jenny Derfelt Henderson, are dedicated funeral professionals.

We are experiencing another change in recent months. Because cremation continues to increase, we find that some people are bypassing the professional services we offer, and searching for a competitor that may offer the lowest price (and therefore, the least service) for cremation.

It is for that reason that Derfelt Funeral Home is adding another cremation package to our General Price List. We are calling this package “Value Cremation”. With this package, we will pick up the deceased from the place of death, obtain vital records to complete a death certificate, compose a two to three sentence death notice, complete the necessary paperwork, and complete the cremation process. The price for this package will be $545.00. We are offering this package as an at-need package and is a cash transaction.

We will continue to offer our other cremation packages, including the “Direct Cremation” package for $795. This price is justified with us maintaining the genealogy information in our database, writing a full obituary for a news release, and assisting with paperwork including insurance and veteran claim forms.

Continuity of care is very important to us. It may seem old-fashioned to some of the newer cremation services around, but we believe that relationships matter. We will always try to improve our packages to best serve the needs of our clients, and keep the relationships that have been built over four generations.

Cremation Choices of Today

With the increase of cremation in today’s society, we often overlook the most important factor when arranging cremation, Clear Communication. As a funeral director, we often hear families say that their loved ones wanted direct cremation. This leaves a lot of blue sky to figure out exactly what their wishes are. In the eyes of many funeral directors, when a family suggests direct cremation, it is assumed that they don’t want any services to be rendered. As we all know ASSUMING, can misinterpret a lot of ideas.

Just in our area alone there are over six crematories. Some are run as contracted labor, others at funeral homes, and then you have what’s called a cremation society, which brings me to my next point. Previously, I mentioned cremation is all about communication. It’s our job to start the discussion by asking detailed questions, such as: “Is your family wanting direct cremation with no services, or cremation with memorial services, or maybe a step further of having a traditional services followed by cremation?”. With any of these options you can allow for burial of ashes at a cemetery. So many times we see different funeral homes, cemeteries, or cremation societies advertising low, cut-rate cremation prices, which to the consumer looks great, but how well was the communication between your family and the establishment to know what you will be receiving in that price? Will they all arrange for extra things above and beyond the cremation? These are questions that families should be asking. This is a major difference between full service funeral homes and those entities just providing cremation services. Many times you see full service funeral homes with a cremation price a little higher than you see advertised for many reasons. As a full service funeral home, we treat every family the same, regardless of their selections, and cover every detail that goes along with services selected. You might find this at the cut rate places as well, but that figure they advertised has all of a sudden jumped up, because the extra service items aren’t included in the cut-rate price.

So before you make a decision on where you send your loved one, or choose a facility based solely on price, please communicate with these facilities to see what you’re actually getting for the price. I often work with families that choose the lower price and decide later to change facilities because of the hidden expenses. As for me and the entire Derfelt Family, we give the same quality of service to your family, based on the trust you put in us to take care of your loved ones. That’s our commitment today, and that’s our commitment for the future.

Sincerely,
Kyle Wade
Derfelt’s Baxter Chapel

Growing Up In the Business: A Unique Perspective

When people find out that my family owns funeral homes and that is where I work, they often ask, “Is that weird for you?” or, “How do you do that?” I always tell them that this life is our ‘normal.’  My siblings and I, along with our father and his siblings, were literally born into the business.  My newest little daughter, Eleanor, actually came to the funeral home after we first left the hospital, before even going to our house.  This life is not always an easy life. It is a ministry and a calling, and we have learned from the best examples- my Grandpa Roy Derfelt, and my dad Jerry Derfelt.

I can recall years ago, coming home from school and going to the office instead of going home.  There would be a visitation and I would have to keep my little brother and sister occupied and quiet while our parents worked downstairs.  Occasionally, dad would finish a funeral service just in time to pick us up from school, and we would be picked up in the limousine.  Family dinners, vacations, and holidays were sometimes interrupted by business.  As I grew older, there were times I resented the family business and could not understand the demand that it placed on our family’s life.  I declared that “I would never work in the funeral home.” (Never say never…)  My parents were great at juggling business with family, but as a selfish adolescent, that was sometimes hard to see.  You know, teenagers do know everything.

It was when I went to college in Conway, Arkansas that my heart began to change.  Within the first week of living there, I met a fellow student who worked for the local funeral home, Roller- McNutt.  Based on my upbringing I was offered a job there which I accepted.  Through my time at Roller-McNutt, I began to truly understand the ministry behind the ‘job.’  One thing that dad constantly taught us was that if we were taking care of our own loved one, we would want them given the utmost respect and dignity, and that was how we should treat those who we took care of.  I had heard it a million times, but I finally began to understand it and see things from his eyes. I understood the sleepless nights, skipped meals, and other sacrifices that I had seen my dad make over the years.  He gave of himself fully to help people and show love to the pained and grieving during their darkest hours.  My dad became my hero and my inspiration.

Remember the part about never working in the funeral home? Well, after I moved back home from college I went right to work for my dad. Currently, I work mainly out of our Columbus location acting as the Pre-Need counselor.   I married the love of my life, and we have 3 beautiful children- Preston, age 9,  Madelyn, age 7, and Eleanor, age 1.   They are growing up in the business just like I did.  They come to the office after they get picked up from school, and yes, sometimes it is in the limousine.  This is their ‘normal.’  I wouldn’t be anywhere else.  You may see them from time to time, hauling flower pots, carrying equipment, or passing out memorial programs at a service, just as we did when we were growing up.   My prayer, no matter what career that my children choose in life, is that they will learn the ministry of this family business, and take those lessons to heart, showing the love of our Savior, Jesus Christ, to the lost and hurting.

Visit from the Simpson Funeral Museum

We were blessed on June 2, 2015 to have Attila Bethlenfalvy, a member of the Simpson Funeral Museum, stop by on his way across the country. As part of his role in the museum, his job is to make his way to various funeral homes that have antique funeral coaches and photograph them for archives in the museum.

He made his way to Galena because he got word of our 1960 Cadillac Superior Funeral Coach. The hearse was purchased by Roy Derfelt in 1960. At that time, this was the only brand new funeral car that the family had ever purchased. The dash of the car sports a small plaque that says “Built Especially for Derfelts”. Not only was it used as the primary funeral coach, but it served as a combination unit, which means it could be transformed into an ambulance very quickly if the other ambulances were out on calls. This car has now been in the family for 55 years, and there are no plans to let it go. It takes some time to get it running, but when it does it purrs like a kitten and turns on a dime. The last time this funeral coach was used on a service was roughly eight years ago, when it was taken to Kansas City to transport the remains of the man who sold this car to Roy.

If you want to know more about the Simpson Funeral Museum, here’s a link to their website: http://simpsonfuneralmuseum.com/. I’m sure that if you’re ever in the Washington DC area, it’d be worth a quick drive down to Chatham, VA.

Have the Talk of A Lifetime

No one likes talking about funerals. Let’s face it, it’s not a happy topic. But, as Benjamin Franklin once said “Only two things in life are certain: death and taxes”. They do enough talking about taxes on Capitol Hill, so we’re left to focus on the other life-certainty: death.

Surely over the years you’ve heard one of the older members of your family say “Just put me in a pine box”, or maybe “I just want to be cremated”, but they never seem to elaborate. When the time comes, you’re often left with the job of carrying out their wishes with little more than a statement or two of their personal preferences.

That’s why The Funeral and Memorial Information Council (FAMIC), along with several industry leading support groups, has begun a nationwide movement entitled “Have the Talk of A Lifetime”. This initiative urges those in their golden years to pass on information to their loved ones about what really matters in life. When you approach the topic from this direction, the idea of the funeral service becomes much less about death, and much more about telling a life story.

Everyone benefits from sitting down and listening to stories from the generation before them, but when you make it a point to do so, it can become much easier when the time comes to carry out the wishes of your loved ones. Peace of mind will come much easier knowing that you did the right thing.

Please click over to this website: http://talkofalifetime.org/. There you’ll find a video explaining the importance of the program, resources to guide you along the way, and even a workbook to help prompt some of the important questions.

This program does not signify any type of pre-arrangements with the funeral home. It is only a program to help you within your family unit, but you can always be assured knowing that we’d love to set up an appointment at any time if you’d like to take the next step in planning your final arrangements.